21 and single.

How does that feel like?
Sometimes scary, sometimes nonchalant.

Scary because I see no prospects of becoming attached anytime soon.

Nonchalant because I figured I have no need of a boyfriend.

It's kind of an oxymoron - I don't know if I want one or not.

When I see happy couples hand-in-hand, I admit it does stir a warm longing ache. I mentally scroll through my mind, for the suitors that I can accept. But a latch always locks the door and say "Never settle for less." And by "less", I mean anything less than "the one". I don't know if he even exists.

But when someone shows signs of interest, I have my defenses up. I'd concentrate on the negative traits (or rather, traits I find undesirable) of the person. My mum thinks I should at least give them a chance and go out on a date or two with them. But why give false hope when I've already decided? Will I change my mind if I go out with them?

The awkwardness and the slight feeling of disgust (Why am I doing here with you?) when we have our meal. The fake smile and the fake sparkle I have to plaster on my eyes. The cringing look masked as a laugh. The internal voice in your head that goes "Oh what a turn off. What a turn off." as I think of his "undesirable" traits.



That takes up a damn large amount of my energy. And in between this energy I waste, there's only 0.0001% chance I am able to see something nice about him because I'm too busy filling my self-pity bucket.



Oh why are you slouching, so uncertain of yourself? TURN OFF.

Oh why are you so egoistic, you male chauvinistic windbag? TURN OFF.

I only see the two extreme ends of the spectrum.

______________________________________________

Or maybe, the problem lies with the male! Not me.



Can't they be more creative? A date constitutes to 80% of the male population as dinner + movie.
For goodness' sake! If you want a date, shouldn't you do some research?



Dinner + movie is pointless! Half the time I'm sitting in the dark (feeling vulnerable) and you're not giving me a chance to know you more, idiot! Do you think we'll talk during the movie?

We'll talk about the movie if we have dinner after the movie. And if we have dinner before the movie, most of the time is spent to break the ice.

And most girls only give guys that they won't consider one date to prove themselves. So good luck to you if you ask a girl out for a D+M date.

GAH. Anyway, bff, at this rate I'm going, you'd better not be married when you're 30!